Bowing Out.....

I can recall the beginning of this group. The vision we all had for something more than what either of us were prepared to handle.
Each one, extremely different and blessed in different ways to share the love of Christ. Each, the same... created by the same God, given the same purpose to love with this extraordinary love only Christ to be given the glory through. Each, I am truly blessed to have had influence my life.
I can recall the funny jokes and the times we whaled out the tears and demanded that something had to change and it starts with us changing for the better in Christ!

Somewhere along the line, I believe it was an adventure in seeking Christ to the fullest, yet ended up as a fight to the death with us handing the victory over to this world without even realizing what we had done.

I must admit that I can view this thing in a different way. Lesson learned... we move on, we continue to run after the cause and place Christ at the center of the spectrum again. With that said, what happens when there is more damage done than good?

I believe I am at fault more than most. This, I am ok with. Piece of cake right? Not so. Though I am ok with taking responsibility, I am not ok with letting things get out of hand as they have. I am not ok with getting so hurt and prideful that I had to push Christ away and lose a lot more than I care to elaborate on. Nothing exceeds the loss of Christ!

The focus was tampered with and we never did refocus ourselves. I don't think I ever said,"what are we doing? where are we going? and why can't we refocus ourselves on Christ?" It makes me angry that I didn't say those things! But only angry with myself.

I know with this, I will cling to Christ more and I need that... we all do. I know that there will be a time I can reflect on certain times and thank my Lord for teaching me the error of my ways. I am so blessed just to have chances like that. How much more am I blessed by God to have all that I have at this moment?! It's more than I can explain. More than I can begin to even think about.

I guess this post is to admit fault for a lot. I know I've done that plenty in the past few months. Yet, I've never taken the time to really just stop and write it all down. So that's what these blogs are for. Online admittance that I was wrong.

I'm not going to throw out verses to condemn my heart any more than I have already allowed words to. Instead, I bow out. Giving God the glory and willfully allow the Holy Spirit to continue the work-in-progress on my heart. Leading me to bear much fruit as we are called to do. All pointing to Christ, the only sensible, loving, understanding, right, true and holy one.


Lord I pray and plead with you tonight, I humble myself before you and before all who know and do not know you. May I love them just as you love us. May my ways not reflect poorly on your glory as it has in the past. May I walk away refreshed, renewed and ready to serve you to the full capacity you have created me to serve you with. May my words and thoughts be held captive and I pray that as I listen more to the Holy Spirit, I gain a better understanding of how you love us, so you can use me to love others!